The Selfish Choice
by Rosen Tea
Summary: Spoilers for Insurgent: An alternate scene in which Tris saves Marlene instead of Hector on the rooftop.


"This is not a negotiation. It is a warning," says the simulation through Marlene, moving her lips and vibrating in her throat. My eyes dart between Marlene and Hector, my heart beating painfully inside my chest.

I know what's coming—there could only be one reason for all of this—but it doesn't seem real. None of it seems real. I swallow weakly as Marlene continues. "Every two days until one of you delivers yourself to Erudite, this will happen again."

This.

I know what it means.

Time slows as Hector, Marlene, and the little girl with the green streak in her hair step backward off the roof.

Hector. I need to grab Hector.

Hector, who was so afraid of what I am because his mother told him to be. Lynn is probably still at Shauna's bedside, hoping Shauna can move her legs when she wakes up again. Lynn can't lose Hector.

Hector is innocent.

Hector is just a boy.

But as Hector steps back, my body lunges for…

Marlene.

I grab whatever my hands can find. An arm. A fist-full of shirt. But Marlene and I are around the same height and weight, and it is almost too much for me to handle. The rough rooftop scrapes my knees as her weight drags me forward. I can barely hold her up at all. I whisper, "Help," because I can't speak any louder than that.

Marlene's body continues to drag me forward, and for one horrible moment, I think that we're both going over, but Christina is already at my shoulder. She helps me haul Marlene's limp body onto the roof. Her arm flops to the side, lifeless. A few feet away, the little girl lies on her back on the rooftop.

Then the simulation ends. Marlene's eyes pop open, and they are no longer empty. She blinks up at me. "Tris?" Her voice is back to normal—still light and mirthful despite her confusion. Tears blur my vision as I squeeze her shoulder, hard.

The little girl whimpers, and Christina walks over to her, mumbling something in a reassuring voice. Marlene sits up and glances around, her head whipping from me to the little girl. "Tris? What happened? What's going on?"

I want to answer her, maybe say something kind and assuring like Christina. But my throat is far too tight. My hand falls from Marlene's shoulder, and I stand, my entire body shaking. I inch toward the edge of the roof and stare at the ground. The street below isn't lit very well, but I can see Hector's faint outline on the pavement.

"Tris?" Marlene calls out again, fear and concern edging her voice.

I turn from the sight, listening to my heart beating in my ears. Marlene stands up and stumbles toward the edge of the roof, but Christina shoots up and grabs her by the arm. "No," she says, sounding choked. "No. Don't."

Marlene stares at her, and speaks in a low, tremulous voice. "Why are we on the roof?" She tries to force her way past Christina, but Christina wraps her arms around her in a tight bear-hug, pinning her arms. I can see her arms shaking. "Don't," she repeats, barely.

Numbly, I walk to the door and down the stairs. I can hear the faint strains of Christina's voice as she desperately calls out to me, but I ignore her. I don't want to be there when Marlene discovers Hector's body several stories below.

I don't want to be there.

I put more speed into my walk as I move down the hallway and into the elevator. I wait until the doors close when I start to scream.

….

This morning, Lauren reported that we missed some of the cameras in the initiate dormitories, where Christina, Zeke, Lauren, Marlene, Hector, and Kee, the girl with the green hair, were sleeping. That's how Jeanine figured out who the simulation was controlling.

I do not doubt that Jeanine chose young Dauntless because she knew their deaths would affect us more.

And it has.

The Pit was loud today, and not because of the river's roar. In true fashion, the Dauntless shouted Hector's name as they celebrated his life and bravery. But I could tell that they were a little more somber about it than usual. A little boy had just been murdered.

Tori made a speech on Hector's behalf, but I couldn't bear being around to hear it.

At one point, Christina approached me and told me that she hadn't seen that kind of simulation before, from the outside. She said that she would try to forgive me for killing Will, because I really did have to. At first, I was furious—what did she think before now? That I _wanted_ to shoot Will, one of my closest friends?

There was some screaming and crying on my part, but eventually I felt myself melt into her strong embrace. "It's already done," she had said. "That's what I mean to say. That the forgiving part was already done." And that was the end of that.

That night, I walk into the cafeteria and all the Dauntless go silent. I don't blame them.

For a moment, I don't know where to go or how to get there. But then Zeke waves me over to his table, looking grim, and I guide my feet in that direction. Uriah and Marlene are there too, sitting side by side across from Zeke. Other than those three, the table is empty.

Marlene looks up at me and gives me a shadow of her usually bright smile. She stands and approaches me, looking a little pale. "Hey," she says weakly, straining to keep lightness in her voice. She presses a fist against her mouth while biting her lip. "Um…" She swallows. "I never really thanked you…for saving me. What happened to Hector really…it..." She lowers her fist and sniffles, nodding her head. "I owe you big time. I do."

Without warning, she lunges forward and hugs me, her hands trembling. "Thank you," she whispers in my ear. "Thank you."

My hands dig into the fabric of Marlene's black hooded jacket. I don't trust my voice enough to give a reply, but I try to smile as I nod. Having her here, feeling her warmth…it fills my heart and spreads throughout my entire body. But the pit inside my stomach remains.

When Marlene finally releases me, we sit down at the table, and I slide next to Zeke. Uriah encloses his hand over Marlene's. He locks his eyes with mine and smiles sadly, but gratefully. "How're you holding up?"

I play with my fingers. "One step at a time." I turn to Zeke. "Is Shauna still in the hospital?"

Zeke nods. "They all are."

The table falls silent. It's clear where our minds are.

Lynn, Shauna, and their mother spent most of the day holed up inside Shauna's hospital room. They refused to see most visitors that came their way. I tried to get in to see Lynn, but I didn't get far. Maybe it's best, for now. There's nothing I could have said that would make things better.

Marlene runs her free hand through her mousy brown hair and lets it fall over her face. Her eyes are red and puffy. "Lynn…won't talk to me," she says quietly.

"She's hurting," Uriah says, squeezing her hand. "She'll come around. Just give her time."

A tear runs down Marlene's cheek. "She hates me. So does Shauna."

"They _love_ you," Uriah insists firmly. "We all do. You just gotta let them grieve." He sighs, running his thumb up and down her knuckles. "It's gonna be a while before Shauna talks to me too." He looks at me. "She found out I'm Divergent."

"Oh," I say.

"I guess she needs the space," Zeke says. His eyes linger on Uriah. "I don't really blame her. I can't even begin to imagine losing a brother that way." He and Uriah share a brief, affectionate glance. I suddenly wish I had Caleb here to lean on.

Marlene scratches a finger along the edge of the table. "They're going to be so lost without Hec…they fought a lot, but they really loved each other. He really looked up to his sisters. He wanted to be like them, you know." Her lip wobbles. "This was my fault. I started that paintball fight. If we weren't busy goofing off, we might have caught those cameras. Maybe…maybe it should have been me instead of Hector."

"Hey," Zeke says, frowning.

Uriah squeezes Marlene's hand so hard, his bronze colored knuckles turn white. "Don't say that. Don't you _dare_ say that."

"But it's true!" she says loudly.

It's so jarring, seeing someone like Marlene so devastated. I never really got to know her that well, but I'm familiar with her enough to know that it would take an awful lot to bring her down. Initiation was hard on everyone, but Marlene always seemed to remain upbeat on things.

And though her steps were more elegant after Erudite took over Dauntless, she always had a smile on her face. She's helped bring light to every situation and has always supported me when it counted. In all respects, I was far closer to Marlene than I was to Hector. I reacted selfishly—but that was the choice I decided to make.

"Hector has a whole family that loves him," says Marlene. "I don't have anybody."

"You have us," Uriah says. He touches the side of her face and presses his forehead against hers. "You have me." Marlene exhales shakily, closing her eyes.

"And it's not your fault," Zeke says. "It's Jeanine's."

Tobias enters the room a moment later, followed by Tori and Harrison. I have been avoiding him. I haven't spoken to him since the fight we had, before Hector…

"Hello, Tris," Tobias says when I'm close enough to hear him. His voice is low, rough.

"Hi," I say in a tight little voice that does not belong to me. He sits next to me and puts his arm on the back of my chair, leaning close. I don't stare back—I refuse to stare back.

I stare back.

"Aren't you going to ask me if I'm alright?" I say.

"No, I'm pretty sure you're not alright." He shakes his head. "I'm going to ask you to make any decisions until we've talked about it."

"Until we've all talked about it, you mean," says Marlene in a firm, determined voice, clutching at Uriah's hand. Then she looks at me with such love and compassion, it almost makes my heart break. She doesn't want any of us to give ourselves up.

But it's too late. The decision's made.

 **A/N: A little something I thought would be refreshing to write down. I love Marlene, and it's so sad how she went out. I might write some more Marlene stuff later, depending on what people think of it! Thanks for reading and please let me know what you think!**


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